I've been praying a lot lately. I admit I ebb and flow in my prayer life. I could be better about it. But, I've been having these down on my knees moments where I pray for specific needs. Prayer of Jabez-ing if you will. And at the top of my list is a friend for my girl. My heart aches for her. On Tuesday I missed her so much I parked my car near the school where I could see her, but she couldn't see me. I wanted a glimpse of her jumping rope, running around, giggling. Instead, I saw my little wallflower propped up against the wall looking longingly out into a sea of kids. I sat there trying to will her a friend until her bell rang. I know that people have way sadder stories and mine may seem improportionate to those. And it may seem co-dependent to a lot of people. But to me, I am just missing this awesome little person who completes my day. Who adds so much to my life. And, I hate it. The missing part.
In the meantime, I fill this void with clever sandwich making, washing her favorite outfits and planting lantana to encourage the butterflies into our yard for her. I find funny stickers and notes and little books to tuck inside her lunch pail to help her pass the long afternoon recess. I buy her new markers and pick up pennies for her penny jar. I find books she loves at the thrift store.
This sadness, it isn't all bad I suppose. It stretches me, makes me grow. Teaches me to rely completely on my maker. And it humbles me. Eventually, when I go back to work, some of this void will be filled. I will be in much closer proximity, able to see her throughout our days. I can encourage her at recess with a quick hug. I can be in her court when she needs me, and in the background when she doesn't. It will ease my mind. Erase the sadness. And with all that new space, there will be plenty of room for the incredible happiness that always follows.
