In your ninth year.

Some days it's just so overwhelming. I think, maybe it would easier if you were still that little portable baby. The one I could pick up and carry and keep safely right by my heart.  I love watching you grow and change.  I am so grateful to have a ring side seat into your sweet little self.  But there is SO much going by too quickly, and it's often hard to keep up.  I blinked and now you're 9!  I can't imagine anything better in my life before you.  I can't imagine anything more wonderful or heartbreaking than watching you grow up and fly away.  Does every parent want to freeze time?  I've always wished that I could have a do-over of the sleep deprived years.  It wasn't fair, with everything being so out of focus.  I want to see all of the "firsts" again, with clearer eyes.  I want the stress of being a first-time mommy to be erased so I can be in each and every moment.  Memorize it.  I want to spend every single minute of every single day playing with you and listening to you laughing.  I want to keep you safe from anyone who dares to break your heart, make you feel inadequate or tells you you are anything other than the amazing child you are.  I want to skip all the busyness and just be.  In this ninth year of your life, I am so grateful that you are mine.  That I was lucky enough to be given this gift.  And my prayer is that each day you will know how very much you are loved.  Happy 9th Birthday, Ruby Jane ♥

Defining moments.

I've been going through some photo albums looking for pictures for my Dad's upcoming 75th birthday.  Ruby pulled out all of her baby albums and started perusing.  Later that night as we were getting ready for bed she said, "I wish I had a Dad."  This is a conversation we have had quite a bit, but seems to come more frequently these days.  I explain that she does in fact have a Dad.  I tell her that even though he isn't present in her life, he does exist.  And I also told her (as I always have) that we should pray for him to make better decisions.  She replied as only a child can.  "Yeah, Mom, but I don't think he will ever make good choices.  And I want a Dad right now, not later."

On a spiritual level she is aware of her Heavenly Father.  She knows that He is never going to leave her.  But, I get, how at 8, she longs for a relationship with her father, too.  It hurts that I can't give her that.  Especially because I know what a special bond that is.  My father has stepped up to the role of not only Papa, but on many occasions, Dad.

This past week we attended a Daddy/Daughter dance at a local church.  It was so sweet to see all of these dads and daughters, arriving in their Sunday finest,  some in stretch limo's, to dance the night away.  A girls first love is her daddy.  My Dad escorted Ruby and she had a great time.

For a brief moment, I was a bit melancholy watching the daughters with their fathers.   Then an amazing thing happened.  A friend of mine (a wonderful dad) asked Ruby to dance.  My brother in law with his daughters invited her on to the dance floor.  And my Dad was ready to cut a rug with his decked out granddaughter while Justin Bieber blared in the background. Of course Ruby was content to hang back and dance with her balloon and indulge in cupcake after cupcake.

It was then that I realized (not for the first time) how very blessed we are to have so many wonderful dad role models that have (and continue to) step up.  My sweet brother in law David, who drops everything to air up bicycle tires and burn movies for her.  My brother in law Jess who does magic tricks for her.  My brothers Kevin and Anton who indulge her and make her feel special.  And my brother in law Scott who made sure she had her favorite tunes on a cd when she had her MRI.  She adores her cousins who let her play games on their phones and never seem too busy to include her in whatever they are doing.

So, while it isn't within my power to change another person, I can certainly change my perspective while shaping hers.  I can teach her the definition of what a father is and she will see that she has been surrounded by them all along.  

You Are My I Love You.

Here it is October. The changing of the seasons. It is also the month my daughter was born.  How did another year already fly by? How can that be? How did you stretch 3 more inches and grow a shoe size bigger since the last time the earth tilted in this direction? You are growing up and growing into the most lovely little person I could have ever imagined.

One of my immense joys is sharing books with you. Today, I am reminded of one of our favorites You Are My I Love You. The lines read, “I am your parent, you are my child. I am your quiet place; you are my wild. I am your audience; you are my clown. I am your London Bridge; you are my falling down. I am your way home; you are my new path. I am your dry towel; you are my wet bath. I am your favorite book; you are my new lines. I am your night-light; you are my starshine. I am your lullaby; you are my peekaboo. I am your good-night kiss; you are my I love you.”

I know it is cliché to say that 8 years ago the best thing happened in my life. But, it is true. The moment the doctor asked me what names I had chosen and then revealed to me that I had a baby girl, my life was forever changed. For the better. And these 8 years have been a gift to me beyond measure.

Happy 8^th Birthday to my Ruby Jane!

Summertime and the Livin' is Easy

Summertime is slowly fading.  And I'm not ready. Not ready to give up my carefree days. Not ready for a nearly 3rd grader.  But, alas, I must get back to routine. The traditional backpack and lunch box are waiting to be packed.  The morning rush is awaiting. There is cursive to be learned.  Multiplication facts to be memorized.

But for now, I will soak up these last few days of summer with lots of outside time and savor the shaved ice snow cones from the sno-shack.  I will hang on to the warmer evenings and longer days.  Because all too soon, they will be fading into cool fall nights.